... blong?

Saddened by global warming, the planet cries Arctic tears. She groans under the strain of metal girders strewn by us brutal beings over her skin. Pollution gives her a bleak outlook and an acid temper, and the penguins have nothing to stand on. Only Captain Gobstopper can save us from our plight.

"Stop gobbing on the streets, youths!" decries the noble Captain, speeding past some dribbling drunk yobs. "And quit dunking those drinks with your gobs!"

Awestruck and gobsmacked, their jaws dropped, the slovenly kids stop spitting and gaze at the perfect sphere flying off into the urban sunset.

"I'm so high right now," he yells back at them, gaining altitude by the second. "Fucking drugs or some shit!"

"I tuck my legs in whilst flying," shouts the Cap, "to lower air resistance! This decreases the rate of entropy increase throughout the entire universe!" When the mountains nearby don't crack up with laughter he burns them to the ground.

"I'm making this shit up as I go!" he declares, "y'know, winging it!" A flock of geese don't get it, so he punches them in the mind and makes them cough medicine.

Sailing onwards, he hits a time barrier. Looks like the planet's salvation will have to wait until instalment two of Captain Gobstopper!