... blong?
Monday, June 13, 2005
Omens of the Apocalypse
Aside from the whole "rains of fiery meteors from purple-streaked bloodshot skies over lands afflicted with disease, drought and famine" business, there's actually quite a few of these:
1. OK! magazine. The headlines on the front page of my sister's copy (not, repeat, NOT mine) are:
2. The death of Elvis.
3. The way people are really stupid. More African kids die every day from starvation than died from the tsunami and its aftereffects, yet people don't think about it that way. Because the tsunami was so sudden and unexpected (and got so much media coverage), people think that somehow it's worse. So they donate their £5 and get on with their lives in the knowledge that they've done something good. A few weeks later, they won't have thought much more about it. And the thought of those African kids, or any other of the hundreds of millions of people suffering similar fates worldwide, probably won't have crossed their mind at all.
4. The government. Just who do they think they are, running our country for us? What's wrong with feudalism? Who needs society, anyway? REAL men don't need medicine. Or technology. Or jobs. If we were all given big swords and a horse and told to farm ten acres each, the world would be a lot simpler. Moreso if we lived in caves.
5. Junk mail. Who actually makes it? And do some people believe it enough to give them money?
6. The way global warming is going to dry out the planet with the heat of a million Suns, then flood it with the water of a thousand seas, then propel it to the outer reaches of the galaxy via some extremely weird particle interactions, then finally scrunch it up really small and make it explode, producing a lovely visual effect for any passing aliens.
Oh yeah, and Death harvesting the souls of the damned on his fiery skeletal steed. That too.
Points 1, 3 and 5 being serious. Satan made me put the rest in.
1. OK! magazine. The headlines on the front page of my sister's copy (not, repeat, NOT mine) are:
- "Beckham exclusive - amazing secret revealed!"
- "Big Brother exclusive: Michelle and Stuart's diary"
- "Celebrity Love Island - diet special - exclusive"
- "Brad & Angelina World Exclusive 'we get on great' interview and pictures"
- "Jordan - Wedding Exclusive".
2. The death of Elvis.
3. The way people are really stupid. More African kids die every day from starvation than died from the tsunami and its aftereffects, yet people don't think about it that way. Because the tsunami was so sudden and unexpected (and got so much media coverage), people think that somehow it's worse. So they donate their £5 and get on with their lives in the knowledge that they've done something good. A few weeks later, they won't have thought much more about it. And the thought of those African kids, or any other of the hundreds of millions of people suffering similar fates worldwide, probably won't have crossed their mind at all.
4. The government. Just who do they think they are, running our country for us? What's wrong with feudalism? Who needs society, anyway? REAL men don't need medicine. Or technology. Or jobs. If we were all given big swords and a horse and told to farm ten acres each, the world would be a lot simpler. Moreso if we lived in caves.
5. Junk mail. Who actually makes it? And do some people believe it enough to give them money?
6. The way global warming is going to dry out the planet with the heat of a million Suns, then flood it with the water of a thousand seas, then propel it to the outer reaches of the galaxy via some extremely weird particle interactions, then finally scrunch it up really small and make it explode, producing a lovely visual effect for any passing aliens.
Oh yeah, and Death harvesting the souls of the damned on his fiery skeletal steed. That too.
Points 1, 3 and 5 being serious. Satan made me put the rest in.
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