... blong?
Sunday, February 27, 2005
It should be Thursday
What I don't get is why it's Sunday. Sunday means it's the end of half-term, and I have to go back to school to face my Mock AS's tomorrow. Which I haven't revised for and for which I'm going to have to improvise.
If it was Thursday, I would have a chance to revise a bit, and maybe shift my grades up a few notches. I'd have the weekend to look forward to. I could go and get wasted. Or stay in and go to sleep for the entire weekend. Or dance naked through the streets shouting "Hallejulah". I would be happy. I would have choices; opportunities; ramifications. Three more days of my life.
Whoever designed the 7-day week is a bit of a bastard.
Anyway, today I discovered a FACT. Not a FACE, or a FURBY, but a FACT:
To turn my shower on, you can follow one of two paths. You can either rub it, make sex noises and hope it gets aroused. Or (the sensible choice), you can pull the cord then twist the handle thing. Today I forgot to pull the cord, and found out that the shower still works. Only problem is, the water isn't heated.
That is my fact.
Try not to do the same.
And song of the decade is now "Oo-de-lally" out of Disney's Robin Hood. You know, the one with the foxes.
If it was Thursday, I would have a chance to revise a bit, and maybe shift my grades up a few notches. I'd have the weekend to look forward to. I could go and get wasted. Or stay in and go to sleep for the entire weekend. Or dance naked through the streets shouting "Hallejulah". I would be happy. I would have choices; opportunities; ramifications. Three more days of my life.
Whoever designed the 7-day week is a bit of a bastard.
Anyway, today I discovered a FACT. Not a FACE, or a FURBY, but a FACT:
To turn my shower on, you can follow one of two paths. You can either rub it, make sex noises and hope it gets aroused. Or (the sensible choice), you can pull the cord then twist the handle thing. Today I forgot to pull the cord, and found out that the shower still works. Only problem is, the water isn't heated.
That is my fact.
Try not to do the same.
And song of the decade is now "Oo-de-lally" out of Disney's Robin Hood. You know, the one with the foxes.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Snapping spaghetti
Look who's discovered the best thing to do ever. It's Max.
Cook spaghetti. It doesn't even matter if you're going to eat it or not, just put it in a pot and damn well cook it. But leave one piece (a strand?) uncooked, and while the rest are cooking, snap it. See how many times you manage to snap it. It makes an amazingly satisfying snappy sounds when you snap it, and if you're really poor at it, bits fly off.
Seriously, do it.
Anyway, I've decided to actually update this here blog regularly, because I'm cool like that. So you now get to read my pointless angsty ramblings twice weekly. Starting now.
Yesterday Daddy told me that he had 80 trees for me to plant. In the cold, cold garden. And I wanted to go into town. So I spent an hour or so doing this with Daddy and Tom and Liddy, until Daddy told me to dig up the Scary Tree, which nearly killed me. I'm telling you, it wanted my blood. In the end, the spade wasn't having any effect and the fork broke, so I gave up and got to go into town. But I still have the scars.
When I got into town I laughed at the word "sex" with Gangsta Matt from about 1.30 to 2.30. Constantly. We then got everyone else to say sex too, because we're mature like that.
All in all, a profitable day.
Cook spaghetti. It doesn't even matter if you're going to eat it or not, just put it in a pot and damn well cook it. But leave one piece (a strand?) uncooked, and while the rest are cooking, snap it. See how many times you manage to snap it. It makes an amazingly satisfying snappy sounds when you snap it, and if you're really poor at it, bits fly off.
Seriously, do it.
Anyway, I've decided to actually update this here blog regularly, because I'm cool like that. So you now get to read my pointless angsty ramblings twice weekly. Starting now.
Yesterday Daddy told me that he had 80 trees for me to plant. In the cold, cold garden. And I wanted to go into town. So I spent an hour or so doing this with Daddy and Tom and Liddy, until Daddy told me to dig up the Scary Tree, which nearly killed me. I'm telling you, it wanted my blood. In the end, the spade wasn't having any effect and the fork broke, so I gave up and got to go into town. But I still have the scars.
When I got into town I laughed at the word "sex" with Gangsta Matt from about 1.30 to 2.30. Constantly. We then got everyone else to say sex too, because we're mature like that.
All in all, a profitable day.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Minority poke
Today I shall be making fun of ethnic minorities.
That's right, it's parrt of my new positive discrimination plan. Next week it will be women, then homosexuals, then the elderly and disabled.
Seriously though, I don't get it. Equal rights and the such I agree totally with, but the whole we've-got-to-favour-minorities-or-we're-ignorant-pigs idea loses me completely. Where are the golden days of yore, when all the firemen in Fireman Sam laughed at the black fireman who was rubbish at being a fireman?
Bit of a pickle, eh? So what do you do about it? As usual in these situations, you blame the government. They're leading and encouraging this kind of spackery, plus they're also the nation's main source of bullshit these days, so it's a fairly safe bet anyway. Bloody democracy.
On another note, I've decided to turn all the Mr. Man books into a folk-pop fusion album. Just because I'm cool. The PGFs are also going to release our first album (sadly deficient in Mr. Men) in a month or so. If you don't buy it, you're a filthy smelly grunger and you don't wash often enough.
I've also decided, in my infinite wisdom, that all grungers are goths, all chavs are emo kids, and all punks are total gangstas (with an a, because they're too hardcore for "er" endings). I've therefore decided to scrap the lot, and bring back Mods and Rockers. I might shove the Victorian working classes in there too.
Now onto the main point. Dire Straits - Romeo and Juliet is the best song in existance. Look at these lyrics:
"All I do is miss you, and the way we used to be;
All I do is keep the beat, and bad company.
All I do is kiss you, through the bars of a rhyme.
Juliet I'd do the stars with you, anytime."
Now go and download it.
New blog layout and jazzy style is by Mike, because he's such a complete Victorian peasant. Ta much.
That's right, it's parrt of my new positive discrimination plan. Next week it will be women, then homosexuals, then the elderly and disabled.
Seriously though, I don't get it. Equal rights and the such I agree totally with, but the whole we've-got-to-favour-minorities-or-we're-ignorant-pigs idea loses me completely. Where are the golden days of yore, when all the firemen in Fireman Sam laughed at the black fireman who was rubbish at being a fireman?
Bit of a pickle, eh? So what do you do about it? As usual in these situations, you blame the government. They're leading and encouraging this kind of spackery, plus they're also the nation's main source of bullshit these days, so it's a fairly safe bet anyway. Bloody democracy.
On another note, I've decided to turn all the Mr. Man books into a folk-pop fusion album. Just because I'm cool. The PGFs are also going to release our first album (sadly deficient in Mr. Men) in a month or so. If you don't buy it, you're a filthy smelly grunger and you don't wash often enough.
I've also decided, in my infinite wisdom, that all grungers are goths, all chavs are emo kids, and all punks are total gangstas (with an a, because they're too hardcore for "er" endings). I've therefore decided to scrap the lot, and bring back Mods and Rockers. I might shove the Victorian working classes in there too.
Now onto the main point. Dire Straits - Romeo and Juliet is the best song in existance. Look at these lyrics:
"All I do is miss you, and the way we used to be;
All I do is keep the beat, and bad company.
All I do is kiss you, through the bars of a rhyme.
Juliet I'd do the stars with you, anytime."
Now go and download it.
New blog layout and jazzy style is by Mike, because he's such a complete Victorian peasant. Ta much.
- Copyright Mike and Maxxy P 2004-2005 -
